Let’s leave it here

Putting my heart on my sleeve, no. I’ll leave it in a treasure box then throw it into the deep blue abyss, and place the key where dragons live. Fantasy works it’s wonders right? What I mean is that I won’t allow anyone to have my heart, but I’m willing to let anyone to find it. I want to see who is willing to do that extra mile, because I’m done allowing people in without an effort. Don’t ask it from me. Break a god damn sweat.. shed a tear.. but I want to see something… I’m not picky, but I’m not easy either. All I’m asking is someone to try as much effort I’m willing to give. So I’ll place my pieces here and there. All you have to do is fucking try. You could be anyone. You just to show me what you’re willing to do. No, I don’t need materialistic things. I’m simple.. make me feel and show me what you got. Fuck, race.. or how you look. Make me feel.
-kaname

Your absence

Whatever you’re doing now with your life I’d like to say I’m feeling a little bitter and sweet. Why? I’m happy that I’ve found the motivation to do better in my life. How? I know that lingering feelings is a type of fuel. It just depends how you use it. Some people just get depress and some people make work happen. I thank you for your absence.. why? I’m starting to find new things about myself, good things. We all know crying everyday and feeling depress doesn’t do any justice. I take a breath every morning..and I catch myself talking to myself while Adele’s fucking music playing.. that today isn’t the day I break. You’re gone and I can’t stop that and I can’t bring you back either. I’ve come to my senses. You know that key I gave you so you could keep coming back? Well, I changed the locks. No one is getting in anymore and I don’t need anyone walking out on me without even coming back. You don’t need to back to me, but it’s always nice if you could visit. Sight* I’m sorry though. For all the hard work I put in just so I could make you happy I’m done. It’s too much pain and I’ve suffered enough. This is my final goodbye.

-kaname

Lonely nights

Those days that you usually have occupied so you could be with someone, but that someone isn’t “that” someone anymore. Yes, I am lonely. No, I don’t need company. Maybe, I crave someone in particular to be my company.*sigh* I wish you miss me as much as I miss you, because every little second I think of you and all these things I’m doing now are insignificant projects that take my mind off the torture of us being apart. Yeah, you’re just a text or a call away, but a conversation takes two people, and you know what? That’s all I’m asking from you. You don’t need to be here next to me, holding my needy ass. You could be here and I’m just as satisfied by talking to you. I have self control and I can be selfish, but since when I ever was the selfish type? It was usually my loved one’s happiness above mine, but now that doesn’t matter. It’s my turn to whine and ask what I want, but I can’t even get that. All I ask is just a nice conversation and no, not the 3 hour break we have every after reply. I get it. There’s nothing there for us anymore, but since when were you ever this cold to me? I rather have you tell me you don’t want anything to do with me then tell me I’m your special friend. I’m fed up, because everyday I expect something from you. Just a hello and good morning would make my day, but you know what? I guess you’re too busy to even do that. Fixing a broken heart is bull shit, because once you put that shit back together you still see that mother fucking crack. Don’t you dare say you’re sorry, because you knew once you set your eyes on me, you knew there would be a storm coming after you.

-kaname

Get over it

Many people have told me either to move on or to get over it. I can’t do that. Like what the fuck? How can people just be okay the next day without feeling so much pain? Doesn’t it hurt? I’d love to know so I can try, but right now that wound is fresh and just like every wound, it doesn’t heal right away. It does not mend in on day, one, one week or one month. Don’t you understand? I let someone in and they have that key, but they don’t ever come back. How do I deal with something like this? Time. That’s what it is. So please don’t tell me to move on when I’m still trying to get there myself. It’s frustrating when people tell me these things, because it reminds me everytime what had happened and what it had to become. Please, respect the time I need.

-kaname