Many people have told me either to move on or to get over it. I can’t do that. Like what the fuck? How can people just be okay the next day without feeling so much pain? Doesn’t it hurt? I’d love to know so I can try, but right now that wound is fresh and just like every wound, it doesn’t heal right away. It does not mend in on day, one, one week or one month. Don’t you understand? I let someone in and they have that key, but they don’t ever come back. How do I deal with something like this? Time. That’s what it is. So please don’t tell me to move on when I’m still trying to get there myself. It’s frustrating when people tell me these things, because it reminds me everytime what had happened and what it had to become. Please, respect the time I need.
Throughout the day I work, workout, make myself do stupid errands, and do whatever I could do at home, but when it gets dark and when it’s time to sleep, what do I do? When all my memories start to flashback as if it was a movie. I’d start to think of the possibilities or the factors that might of change our relationship. No, I think about the little things about you that rubbed off on me. Those… how can I act the same anymore when I start to think about you all the time, but can’t be happy having you in my mind? What the actual fuck?! I miss him more than I did when it was just distance stopping us. Now it’s just you stopping me from being happy again. You said it would be a little different. You were wrong. This is more than a little bit. As much as I love you, I’m starting to hate you.
No matter who enters your life, I will love you more than any of them.
Closure, it hurts, right? Sigh* I can’t contain how I feel anymore, because this time is different. This time I give tons of shit. 3 words, 2 people, and 1 meaning is all I can say, but I understand. I know that it must be hard on him too. It may be hard for the person that’s still in love, but just wonder how it must feel to be that person to let go. Not as his lover, but the good friend he had always. I know pain isn’t permanent, but that’s only a fact where you know what being numb is. Sometimes you just want to forget everything, right? I say this only, because if I don’t see him I come to realization that the only thing I could love him for was the memories we shared. I said I’d fight for you still. I’m not trying to look for happiness from the memories. I’m trying to fight for what’s making me happy for my future. A little redundant, but hey in all my heart I can say he’s worth every heart break.